nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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