yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize