She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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