you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
