I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i will never coherently bang her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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