You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
