We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
