my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
