if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize