I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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