And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
