and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We need to rekindle our bromance
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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