She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
