I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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