and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
