No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
