Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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