So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
