just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
