i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
