How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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