My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
