i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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