Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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