My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
