I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
