i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
