My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you still have your period?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
