i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
