Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
