i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i think i just lost a toe
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
