I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
