The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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