I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
