just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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