My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
