i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
