This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
