dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
