we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
