this just has baby written all over it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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