Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
