a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
