I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
