my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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