Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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