i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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