why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
pray to the hookup gods
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
