3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
