That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
