Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
