so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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