ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
