smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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