I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
