fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
