I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
