Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
