Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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