the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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