you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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