That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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