The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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