I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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