You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
