She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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