The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
