dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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